Hold the front page – something unimportant’s happened

I was going to write a post on the astounding news that Prince William and Kate somebody or other are going to get married. Before I heard this important news, I was about to write a piece on the torture compensation agreed by the Justice Secretary, and before I heard that, I’d been intending to deliver some wisdom on Ireland’s banking and sovereign debt crisis. But as in all things, politics is the language of priorities (or perhaps it was the other way around) and so torture and debt must give way to nuptial bliss. Or at least, they must if the bliss in question is that of a royal personage.

Well, imagine my dismay when, half-way through that post, I was made aware of something very much more significant than a Prince’s decision to stop committing fornication. [Oh, sorry, my lawyers have apprised me that I have no evidence for that last statement, and that the official line is that the royal member has remained securely zipped in the royal trousers these last three years, or however long it is that Bill and Kate have been fooling around with one another.] So the royal wedding post has necessarily been set aside. I may return to it when the whirlwind of other more important news has subsided. But at the moment, I cannot give it my attention.

No. I know something important when I see it. And ironically it concerns another Kate. One Katie Waissal, she of X-Factor fame. Apparently this waif has been 3 times left wallowing in the final two acts after the Public Vote, and yet every time she has been saved, allowing her to fight on another week. This is a scandal! What hold does she have over the show’s producers? By what outrageous means does she frustrate the great British public’s clear and consistent wishes? This needs investigation, and very possibly a full public inquiry. Who cares about a few discontented Muslims being encouraged by watery means to reveal what they did last summer? So what if the Irish have spent too much and saved too little? How could a Prince’s wedding possibly be seen as more important than this conspiracy against the will of the people? Democracy demands that Katie Waissal and her hold over X-Factor be investigated impartially and…

No! Stop! Something really important’s just come up. Hold the front page! Stop all the clocks! Everyone, stop what you’re doing and listen! This is really, really, important! Unbelievable as it might seem I’m in an agony of indecision. I can’t decide whether I want a ginger nut or a chocolate digestive with my afternoon cuppa.

Blogger in biscuit decision hell!

Phew. That’s better. Nearly made a song and dance over the wrong issue…


2 thoughts on “Hold the front page – something unimportant’s happened

  1. LOL!!! love it. of course the royal wedding has now come (?) and gone and we’re onto the next bit of news.
    in my considered opinion your choice should have been the ginger nut!
    and on that note I am off to the village to buy a packet!
    great post

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